When Depression Strikes

Often times, the "beast" sneaks up on us, like a thief in the night, waiting for us to be at our most vulnerable; and then it strikes. Its poisonous fangs digging deeply into our psyche until we feel like we have lost an essential part of ourselves: our identity.

Who we are as moms and wives should never overtake who we are as women. Our identity is constantly changing as we grow, age, and hopefully, become even better people than we were before. We change so gradually, that the "beast" can take root so deeply within ourselves and we do not even realize it until it is too late. The BREAK DOWN occurs, or as I like to say, "I have just lost my mind today."

This "beast" is a little snake called depression. It infiltrates us slowly, manipulating our minds, hearts, and souls; sucking everything we are right out of us. We do not even realize this is happening until one day we snap.

Today, I am focusing on talking about how to avoid the eventual snapping by discussing signs that you may be "losing" yourself as well as some ways to halt the downward slide. I myself have struggled with mild depression for the past 2 1/2 years. I used to teach full time and chose to stay home when my second child was born. At this time, I also became ill. On the one hand, I lost my identity as a career woman, who I had been (a teacher) was no longer my identity. I had become just "a mom". And then, a "sick mom". There is nothing wrong with being "just a mom"; being a mom is one of the most important jobs I will do every day for the rest of my life, and I want to do it as best as I can. However, I was taught since a young age that it was important for me to rely on myself and have a career as well. This mode of thinking can really tear you down when you go from making your own money to relying on your husband to pay all of the bills; especially if you were taught the way of life that both parents worked (which I was). Long story short, I began going to therapy and am on medications to hopefully control my Chron's disease (eventually!), but feel healthier in body, mind, and spirit today than I have since I stopped working full time three years ago.

The "beast" sunk its fangs in deeply and I became so sad, weepy, and just did not want to get out of bed. An identity change can really destroy you if you are not prepared for it. We as women will go through this at some point in our life even if you are not experiencing it now. We as moms cannot let it destroy us. Our children rely on us to be their rocks and be the strong and consistent ones in their lives. We cannot let the "beast" win the wars that rage within us.

Here are some things to watch out for: Crying spells, lethargy, not caring about what is going on in your life, not able to get out of bed, no enjoyment in things you used to enjoy, secluding yourself, and irrational anger.

Here is what you can do about it: Go to see a therapist/counsellor (this is a safe place to talk about what is upsetting you and give you the tools to deal with your life as it is today), find a support group of women, go out and enjoy sunny days, and above all, do not hole up in your home. Make sure you do at least one thing a day (even if that one thing is just taking a shower), when you are the most depressed, that one thing will make you feel like you have accomplished something for the day. Surrounding yourself with bright colors also helps as the winter season comes upon us.

Please feel free to share in the comments section other ideas for dealing with depression. What works to get you out of the blues and silences the "beast"?

Finding a hobby

Aloha from Hawaii! My family and I are finally getting settled into our new home. I'm so exited to be blogging again!

As LeeAnne said in her previous post, we are focusing this month on not losing our identities as mothers, wives, women, etc. I wanted to write a little bit about finding a hobby.

It happens all too often. We wake up one day and think, "I don't know who I am anymore." Which can lead to so many things, depression, mid-life crisis, affairs, etc. I do not want that to happen to me. I think it is so important not only for our sake but for our families sake to take care of ourselves spiritually, emotionally and physically. And having a hobby or working on a talent is such an important part of that.

I grew up taking polynesian dance. I loved it. I excelled in it. It gave me confidence (not to mention a killer work out :)) When I moved to Utah, I could not find anywhere to take it and missed it terribly.

I tried out some other hobbies/talents that my friends enjoyed; scrapbooking, sewing, crafty things. While I had a little fun while I was doing it, I didn't get super excited to do it. Scrapbooking completely overwhelmed me in fact.

When we found out we were being stationed in Hawaii, to say I was excited would be an understatement. I knew that I would definitely find a Halau to dance with here. I started my first class on monday and came home so excited. It is such an uplifting experience to do something that you have a passion for.

I also have joined a group called Stroller Strides. It is so much fun! Stroller strides is a fitness program comprised of moms with stroller age children. They have classes all over the country. You can find a class near you here. It gives me a killer workout and an opportunity to meet other moms.

I challenge you to find or revisit your talent/hobby that you have a passion for and truly enjoy. The options are limitless!

November Focus

Dear Readers,

We are back this fall season and more dedicated than ever to getting those helpful tips out for all of our mothers. This month, we are going to be focusing our posts on the identity crisis that so many mothers eventually face in the process of their lives.

As mothers, we tend to only think about those we are responsible to care for. In doing this, we begin to forget who we are or once were as our identity changes to that of a mother and wife. If you have not been in this place yet, believe me, you will be eventually, so please read our focus posts coming this month about how to "get out of the rut" so to speak.

Some of you know that I was once a full-time teacher. I taught fifth grade and enjoyed it immensely. I became a mother to my first child in 2005 and worked through the first two years of my daughter's life, missing all of her "firsts". When my second child came around in 2007, my husband deployed, and I knew that I could not handle the teaching and caring for a two-year-old and infant by myself without losing my mind. I took year off, intending to return to work after that, but became ill.

Over the past three years, I slowly lost my identity as a teacher and woman who worked out of the home to help provide for her family. In life, we must all make choices and sacrifices for the good of our family, but mine was slowly destroying who I had once been. My illness also took a toll and essentially turned me into a hermit. My identity now is one of mother, wife, and daughter. I lost a part of myself when I could not return to teaching in a classroom. About a year ago, I began going back to church and finding things that interest me in the hopes that I could bring myself out of the "funk" I had slowly slipped into.

My point: As our lifestyle and needs change within our family, so too will our identity. It is imperative that as these changes occur, we find the true things that matter to us and hold onto them. It is natural for us to change as we get older and "wiser", the key is to change in ways that matter to us as women rather than allow changes to occur that we cannot live with; only then can you have hope in your heart and soul for your future. Don't allow the "funk" to take over your life.

Every Friday in November, Shevaun and I will be focusing on how we lose our identity and ways to keep from slipping into the "funk" or how to get out of it. Please let us know in the comments section if there is anything you as readers need help with. We are here not just to provide insights and ideas, but also to be a support of moms! We are moms who understand because we have been there as well. So please, share with us so that we can support all of you in your trying times.

A Great Opportunity

Dear Readers,
We have been remiss in the past few weeks with posting the issues that are important to us as military families. The only excuse I can offer is that Shevaun is in the process of preparing for her husband's orders to Hawaii. She has been in limbo and moving around like a true gypsy since shortly before July and will not be in her own home until some time in October. Because of this, it has been difficult for her to post on our blog. For myself, as many of you know, for the past month I have been battling mysterious issues in my health. I finally realized that all of the issues I had been having were a cause of the steroid "entocourt" that I was placed on to help heal the inflammation in my GI tract. I have since taken myself off of them and feel much improved.
So today, I wanted to share some really exciting information with all of you about furthering your education. I don't how many of you have heard of the DOD's program MyCAA. It will be re-enacted this coming October on the 25th, so if you are interested in what you read below, make sure you fill out an application soon.
You may be asking what is MyCAA? It is a financial assisting program for spouses of active duty military. If you fill this role, there are some other guidelines to look at. Your spouse has to be E1-E5, W1-W2, or O1-O2. If your spouse fits in this category, read on. If he doesn't, its okay, mine just missed the mark! How crushing reality is! (assume I am laughing at my poor luck with that last comment).
The program offers a maximum of $4,000 of assistance. You can only use $2,000 of it per year. This can be used toward an associate's degree, licensure or certification and is provided through a waiver. They will not give you cash or reimburse you for already paid course work. So make sure you apply first for the program before signing up for your course work. The program also requires you to finish your course work within 3 years of beginning. You do not have to use up all of the money, or even all $2,000 per year. Those are just the guidelines for the program.
The website for MyCAA is: http://aiportal.acc.af.mil/mycaa/
Also, please visit militaryonesource.com as well and look up MyCAA! There is a link that would be beneficial for finding optional financial aid from Federal grants. The website is: www.militaryonesource.com/MOS/FindInformation/Category/MilitarySpouseCareerAdvancementAccounts/MilitarySpouseFinancialAidResourceList.aspx
I hope that this helps all of you. Please pass the word to all of those other military spouses male or female that want to build a portable career but cannot finance it themselves!

Planning a Vacation "Part 1" Disney World

I was originally going to post today how to go about finding great deals for awesome vacations; but like any family, we had a health crisis ensue within our home that had to be coped with. So, in lieu of that post, which I will post next Friday, I wanted to share some great travel deals that are running for military families.

If you are near or plan to head to Walt Disney World this summer, plan to purchase your tickets at your on base ITT office. Walt Disney World is continuing their Military salute by extending their discount tickets until August 31st of this year. 4-Day base tickets are $99 when compared to $239 at the gate. 4-Day park hopper tickets are $120 compared to the gate price of $295. 4-Day hopper with water park access is $145 compared to $350 at the gate. You can see where you are getting a real steal with this deal! They are also offering 1 4-Day pass for the active duty member for free. I usually look for hotel accommodations off park that offers continental breakfast and shuttle ride to the park. Hotels are really making some good deals. One website to visit is hotels.com.

Visit your local ITT office for local venues. Each area will be different with what is offered. Plan ahead and have a great time!

Surviving Summer

I love the summer. It really is my favorite season. My daughter is not old enough to go to school, but I have two sisters with elementary age children. Every summer I hear them talking about their plans on how to survive having their kids home during the summer. So I thought I would write down a few suggestions for my blog readers :)

Contact your local community center; almost every community center that I have lived near has had plenty of free or inexpensive activities for kids.

The movie theatre near one of my sister's has a free movie on the same day every week. Check with your local theatre about that, and if they don't do it, make a suggestion! They make a lot of money off of the snacks that all the parents buy.

There is also a plethora of resources online of fun activities that you can print off. I know Disney has quite a few.

Swimming! That is by far my favorite thing to do cause I can work on my tan at the same time :)

If there is not a pool near you, slip 'n slides are a fabulous investment. Even my 2 year old had a blast on them.

The other day was my sister-in-law's 18th birthday and we made ice cream in ziploc baggies.

here is a link with instructions: http://crafts.kaboose.com/ice-cream-in-a-bag.html

it was a lot of fun, and I'm pretty sure I burned off most of the calories from the finished product just by making it.

I could go on and on with more ideas, but I thought I would open it up to you. Feel free leave comments of other great things or traditions that you like to do during the summer.

4th of July Message

As the holiday draws near, I begin to think about why we celebrate this day and how America has come so far off the beaten path in the soon to be 234 years that our country has been in existence. Yes, 234 years! On our nation's day of birth, she will be 234 years old. Quite young if you think about all of the countries that have had their own sovereignty for many more hundreds of years. We are actually a very young governing body.

Our country began in simple beginnings with the colonists developing the eastern shores of what they called the New World over 400 years ago. 1587 saw the first group of actual colonists come to these great shores though many all male explorations had taken place here before then. The first colony was located in my own state of North Carolina. You may have even heard a blurb about it in your history books while growing up. Roanoke Island and the mystery of the Lost Colony. Yes, the Lost Colony and the birth of Virginia Dare, the first child to be born on these shores (other than the natives of course). No one knows what happened to this colony when hardships came upon it, though that is a completely different story.

Many other colonies were developed after the first, thirteen to be exact, and they thrived through the hardships that came upon them. Families grew, towns grew, and people flocked from England to come here for a chance at a better life than the one they had in the "Mother Land". We grew, and for 100 and some odd years, the people of the colonies thrived as best they could under the oppressive weight of England.

And then, people began to be unhappy with the excessive taxation that was pressed upon them over the years by the English government that did not even know what America was really like. As the colonists began to think, the government was a whole ocean away and had no idea of the realities of America. Eventually after many issues (which I will refrain from naming all!) such as the "Boston Massacre" and the "Boston Tea Party", the colonists gathered together many prestigious persons from each colony and developed the Declaration of Independence. This document was considered treasonous and, if we had lost the war that waged after this document was sent to King George III, those brave men would have been given the death penalty.

We waged a war on our own turf, the Revolution, and won our Independence; that same independence that we celebrate each 4th of July. The Constitution was developed and America became a sovereign government in her own right. Peoples from around the world of many nations and languages flocked to this land because of the bright beacon of hope.

That hope, begins at the hearth. That hope, begins with the children of our homes understanding what it means to be American. To be American isn't just to wear a title or speak a certain language. It is be the beacon of hope to those around the world who live under the same oppression most of our original founding families (my ancestors did not come to these shores until after the Revolutionary War but before the Civil War) lived under when their "Mother Land" told them what to do. I have hope in my heart that we can become the country our founding fathers envisioned when they wrote the Declaration of Independence and put their lives at risk. I have hope that we can be the country they envisioned when writing our Constitution. No one governing body should have more power than the other- words written by men over 200 years ago. Hope is what America is. And I dearly hope you all have a wonderful 4th of July as well as a safe one. Remember all of those men and women who put their lives at risk to help create and shape our country and honor those today who continue to serve.